How I live with depression #WorldMentalHealthDay



Yesterday was world mental health day. As a person with a mental health issue, I want to contribute to raising awareness about mental health care, especially in Thailand. Last October, it all happened; I knew my stress affected my mind, body, work performance, study outcome, and various decisions. I did not leave it that way; I searched and investigated my symptoms to find out what was wrong with me.

I tried to reach mental care in Bangkok, but the major problem is conflict in my mind. I questioned myself, "Do I have to meet a doctor for mental health?". I worried about how might coworkers and surroundings think if they knew I was not normal. I also worried about how it will affect my work performance evaluation. I only wanted everyone will treat me as an average person, not a maniac.

It was hard to find information about mental care here in Thailand. I secretly reached the public hospital in my living area. "You have to wait for a psychologist for 3 months," a general doctor said. So, for 2 months, I did know what had happened to me. I just took some pills from the hospital.

Last November, I worked on a weekday and studied for a master's degree at the weekend. I tried my best to perform best both work and study. I said to myself, "The other students can do it, so I can do it." That thought pressured me that I could handle everything in balance. I collapsed last December; I cut myself from the world and stayed in my room. I did not pick any call from work, home, or anyone. I just cried in my room without knowing what had happened to me. I did not go to the workplace and university. I missed the final exam.

"Am I lazy?"

"Am I not good enough for everything?"

So, many questions for almost one week.



Thank my coworker Sun. He lived next door and tried to help me find proper health care immediately. At that time, I never expected to be diagnosed with severe depression. I never expected something like this. I just want to be normal.

In January, I decided to leave the job and focused on my study. It was a tough decision because I did not want people to see me as incompetent. I was worried about my career path in the future. "Who wants to employ mental illness?" I thought to myself.

After I get proper treatment and advice from a psychologist. I was getting better gradually. My perspective of depression changed. I started to see my value, although sometimes it came with self-doubt.

Thank all support from everyone surrounding me. Everyone helped me anytime, anywhere. I suffered from depression at 5 am, and there was someone pick up my call. Support from family and friends indeed helps.

I exercise regularly and meditate before bedtime. With the proper med, I keep getting better.

If I feel I am in trouble, I always try to reach someone. It is the opposite of myself in the past that kept all my feeling to myself.


Right now, I can feel my self-esteem. I have my purpose again. I can balance my life, my study, my work. I start sharing my study stories and depression stories on my website because I do not want someone else to end up like me.

I worked too much, studied too much for almost 1 year (24/7). I only want my stories could help someone reflect on themselves. Don't let work overwhelm themselves too much, especially during an epidemic when work time and personal time are pretty blur.

Right now, I think depression is normal. I can live with it happily. I stop questioning myself, "When will I be back like normal?". I don't care if someone thinks I am not normal right now; they are the ones with the problems, not me anymore.

Finally, I just want to raise awareness about depression in Thailand. I have heard some cases, their family doesn't believe that depression is the real thing. It is tough when you have no support with mental issues. It is just like my other life goal to help people with mental health issues.

#WorldMentalHealthDay Please, take care of your mind and someone else.

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